ALOHA !!

Outline
Topic Sentence: The “aloha spirit” of Hawaii’s people is well known.

Topic : The “aloha spirit” of Hawaii’s people

Controlling idea : is well known

1.   Major supporting sentence : People in Hawaii are well known with  their aloha spirit

·       Minor supporting sentence : They often say “hello” or “God bless you” with the visitor even they don’t know each other

2. Major supporting sentence : They put in the visitor’s neck with the flower bunch

·       It’s made from beautiful flower around that place

3. Major supporting sentence: They introduce their traditional dance

·       They ask visitor to join with them

·       While introduce they dance, they share their joyfulness to the visitor

4. Major supporting sentence : People in Hawaii love to share joyful energy of life as the meaning of Aloha itself

Concluding sentence : This unique  tradition of sharing friendliness make Hawaii’s people famous in the world.

 My first draft

The “Aloha spirit” of Hawaii’s people is well known. It is about sharing friendliness to visitor. They are friendly to the visitor. They often say “hello” or “god bless you to the visitor. In so many places, they often put in visitor’s neck with the flower bunch. It is made from flower around there. They introduce their traditional dance, with the visitor. Of course they ask visitor people to join with them. Sharing friendliness is very common and well known in Hawaii, because it is bring god sense to them. This unique tradition makes people in Hawaii very famous with their spirit, which is called “aloha spirit “.

My final writing

The “Aloha spirit” of Hawaii’s people is well known. It is about sharing friendliness to visitor. They are friendly to the visitor. They often say “hello” or “god bless you to the visitor. They often put in visitor’s neck with the flower bunch which is made from flower around there. They introduce their traditional dance, and ask them to join the dancing, visitor people to join with them. During this togetherness, they share joyful as what the meaning of aloha itself "the joyful (oha) sharing (alo) of life energy (ha). This unique tradition makes people in Hawaii very famous in the world with their “aloha spirit”